Learning to Leave
I like to play this game where I see if I can change another’s behavior and perception of me when they’ve made it clear that they don’t have my best interest in mind. I’ve done it in my jobs, with family, and in relationships with varying degrees of commitment to the process. The hope being that I can exert some control over another’s experience of me.
The logical solution is to remove myself from a scenario that screams “danger!” or “unhelpful!” But that’s not how I’ve historically gone about approaching this.
Take an example of someone who is being a jerk to me. They are rude. They put me down. Ignore me. Historically, I’ve gone into a sort of indignant denial initially — no, no, no, this can’t be right. I am highly likable. They must not be seeing it. Here, I’ll make some adjustments. Make it clearer for them. Sure enough, I involve myself in this big solitary dance of shifting to be seen the way I want. Control. I take a person who shows me exactly who they are, someone who thinks poorly of themselves and so projects that onto those around them, and immediately brush this knowledge aside in favor of the fantasy that I can sway them. I think, here is my big chance to change the story. To shift how this person perceives me.
It’s striking how long its taken me to finally say, wait, why don’t I just get away from this person? Leave this situation? Set a…
