Feb 23Member-onlyLaid Off and it Feels So RightSome Various Reflections From That One Time I Was Released From My Job — Sitting in the in-between is itchy and uncomfortable. Intolerable at times. I mean, I’ve devoted a ton of strategies over the years to not having to be in this space at all. Drink, shop, eat, space out, selective amnesia, you name it. Because it sucks. Being confronted with change is…Layoffs4 min readLayoffs4 min read
Jan 26Member-onlyIt’s Not Even About the Flowers, But it’s Also Totally About the FlowersI bought a bunch of flowers a while back. Roses, dahlias, hydrangeas, greenery. Seemingly out of nowhere there was this urgency to make a bouquet. Create something that would help me to breathe. Quench myself in a moment of simple beauty. It was a profound and desperate act wrapped inside…Rest3 min readRest3 min read
Jan 4Member-onlyWait, So You Mean You Don’t Drink Any Alcohol, Ever?I’ve become a keen observer of my sadness. This distinct feeling of melancholy is old. With familiar stories involving my various errors and defects. But I’m no longer inside of this, consumed. I am watching, almost as if from above, seeing the pattern. Knowing that it passes. It’s all ancient…Sobriety8 min readSobriety8 min read
Oct 20, 2022Member-onlyThe Skittle CarThe car was skittle green and ailing, a ridiculous little monstrosity missing, among other things, the entire back seat. My mom drove this vehicle for much longer than you would believe a $300 car could function and she did so with a great deal of humor and, it seemed to…Motherhood3 min readMotherhood3 min read
May 21, 2022Member-onlyLearning to LeaveI like to play this game where I see if I can change another’s behavior and perception of me when they’ve made it clear that they don’t have my best interest in mind. I’ve done it in my jobs, with family, and in relationships with varying degrees of commitment to…Domestic Violence8 min readDomestic Violence8 min read
May 21, 2022Member-onlyAn Accidental Solidarity With MessI didn’t want to learn this lesson. I truly did not and fought it hard. Busy with so many other things, I had zero interest in inadvertently revisiting the imperative energy of mess in my life. I had worked so hard at containment. But here we were anyway. Of course…Control6 min readControl6 min read
Oct 9, 2021Member-onlyThe Gifts of RejectionAs a seasoned perfectionist, it’s taken a long time to let go of other people’s experience of me — I’ve noticed something that tends to happen whenever I am in the middle of a big life transition. I have these once close friendships that fall away, seemingly in an abrupt manner and without any apparent reason. Despite having been ghosted by several friends over the years at this point…Rejection6 min readRejection6 min read
Oct 3, 2021Member-onlyIt’s Time to Stop RunningOn realizing that the ghosts I have been running from no longer haunt me — I’ve been reflecting quite a bit on my past. Of the many painful twists and sometimes comical turns that have led me to where I am now. I see this particular theme staring back at me. That of me trying to contain, diminish, or in some way erase myself into…Self Love5 min readSelf Love5 min read
Sep 27, 2021Member-onlyIt’s CancerLearning to sit with the unknown is a practice I have yet to master “My dad passed away from cancer and it was so incredibly hard.” This was the response given to my husband and I at a recent party when he mentioned that he’s currently going through chemotherapy. Completely…Cancer4 min readCancer4 min read
Aug 25, 2021Member-onlyA Cult and the Space That Saved MeIt was an odd thing that the thought had never before occurred to me to Google the meditation intensive. Sure, there were things that seemed strange, almost comically so. I noted them and brushed them aside as not applicable aspects in my diligent quest for self-improvement. As I typed in…Mwc Space8 min readMwc Space8 min read
